Inspirational thoughts

A quote from Thomas S. Monson, that I needed today…

Courage may be necessary for you to believe; it will at times be necessary as you obey. It will most certainly be required as you endure until that day when you will leave this mortal existence.

I have spoken over the years with many individuals who have told me, “I have so many problems, such real concerns. I’m overwhelmed with the challenges of life. What can I do?”

I have offered to them, and I now offer to you, this specific suggestion: seek heavenly guidance one day at a time. Life by the yard is hard; by the inch it’s a cinch. Each of us can be true for just one day—and then one more and then one more after that—until we’ve lived a lifetime guided by the Spirit, a lifetime close to the Lord, a lifetime of good deeds and righteousness.

The Savior promised, “Look unto me, and endure to the end, and ye shall live; for unto him that endureth to the end will I give eternal life.”

https://www.lds.org/general-conf…/…/believe-obey-and-endure…

“Let this cup pass from me…”

Written 8/14/2016:

Today, as I sat in my Relief Society class (Women’s Sunday School), I listened to the lesson with a troubled mind and heart.  I had a rough morning with William.  He for some reason just flat out refused to go to his Primary classes (children’s Sunday School).  It was not like him, but we were also out of our routines the past couple of days and he seems to be having some blood sugar level issues, too.  I ended up spending most of an hour in and out of the building trying to talk him into going to class, trying to get him to tell me a specific reason why he didn’t want to be at church today, trying to explain to him that we weren’t going to just leave and go home, etc, etc. until I ended up just sitting in the van (better than in the halls at church, where he was getting more attention and mom was getting distracted) with him while he yelled and screamed at me, and then he got spanked and eventually calmed down when he realized he wasn’t getting his way.  I figured out he hadn’t eaten his breakfast like he was supposed to and he was hungry, so I gave him a small bit of food and a drink of water, which he ate while we talked more about his behavior and his choices.  We finally got to the point of hugs and sorries.  He agreed to give Primary a try today.  He also chose to be happy, instead of angry, after I explained to him that he had control over that part of his day.  He went to Primary and enjoyed the rest of his day at church.  During that time, I had so many flashbacks of my struggles as a young mom with our oldest son, Jakob, at that age.  These two truly are much alike in behavior and personalities. Red-heads, sheesh.  And even though I am more “experienced” now, it still leaves me exhausted and emotionally shaken by the time each ordeal is over.

I then had the opportunity to talk with another woman in our ward (congregation that consists of people within a certain area of the city/state) who has also been diagnosed with Breast Cancer within the last month.  That’s three of us in our little congregation with that specific diagnosis this year.  There are six of us in various stages of treatment for cancers of various types.  The reason I mention this will hopefully be clear later in this post.  I was glad to talk with her about “where she’s at” including being able to reassure her that the surgeon she is going to is awesome (personal experience :). It made my ordeal with William fade a bit.  We didn’t get to talk long this time, but I was able to make the connection and then head onto my Relief Society class.

As I got into that class, I decided to sit next to another woman who I have become friends with because of our “cancer trials”, who handed me a super cute hand-made “pink” ribbon keychain, as a thank-you for listening and helping she and her husband talk out things to do with his chemotherapy treatments.  I love these opportunities I’m getting to share my experiences with others, to help their experience be even just a little less scary! More fading of William’s ordeal.

But under it all today, my own anxiousness kept creeping back in.   My worries about the unknowns of how MY body is going to react to radiation therapy: am I going to get the “worst-case” scenario, or just the middle of the road issues, like with chemo.  I really don’t want to be in pain.  I really would rather not have to go through this.  I really would like to just be done now… Those kinds of thoughts.  As I sat with those types of things rolling around in my head, surrounded by women who love me and support each other through all of our various struggles and trials, I heard the words of the lesson Eva Newton was teaching about the Sacrifice of the Savior.  I was reminded of how much He did sacrifice for us.  That He suffered not only for our sins, but for our pains and worries as well, to give us a gift of having it be less painful for us to go through.  Wow!  And then, she shared her own thoughts on how she helps herself stay focused on the sacrament (similar to communion, performed weekly in our church) and what she thinks of when she hears the scriptural reference of the Last Supper and of Gethsemane.  She thinks about how hard it must have been for Jesus, knowing in His own mind the pain He was about to be put through, to be able to still sit and have that time with his Apostles.  Whoosh!  It washed over me.  He was told beforehand what he was going to have to endure, I was told beforehand what I’m might have to endure.  He asked God to “let this cup pass from me”, just as I have asked in my mind to let this trial be over, to not have to be in pain, to be “done”.  He truly KNOWS my pain, my trials, and I have only but a minute portion of what He had to go through.  He accepted the task of going through all of that “bad stuff” for the Good that would come of it, even though it scared Him too.  He asked three times if it was necessary (Matthew 26:39,42,44), then He accepted God’s will to be able to do some Good, to be a helper for all of us.  I am in no means anywhere close to being like the Savior, but it struck me more poignantly today than any other day in the last several months, that everything I am going through now has allowed me to help another person.  Everything I have endured so far, has helped me make “the load” a bit lighter for another.  People tell me often how amazed they are at how well I am dealing with all of this. While I don’t feel like I’m dealing with it as well as they think I am, I KNOW that my focus on helping others, my faith in a positive outcome, and the prayers of all those in my life, are really what help me “get through this”.  All of us have it within us, to be truly amazing, we just have to let it in (trust God’s plan for us) and then give back to others around us.  We are God’s children.

Thoughts and inspirations from “Ephraim’s Rescue”

Last night I was able to attend a Relief Society “Pioneer Day” celebration at our church house.  (Thank you, Mom, for watching the boys at home).  The Relief Society leadership decided to show the movie “Ephraim’s Rescue”.  It’s about some very specific incidents that led up to the Willie/Martin Handcart company rescue.  I was very touched by the movie and the message it had for each of us in our own lives.  I felt I should write it down, and share some of the insights I gleaned from it for myself.

God prepares each one of us in very specific ways, if we look hard enough we can see it happening.

Sometimes things happen to us in our own lives to prepare us to help someone else through a harder version of that same trial.

It struck me last night, that my experience with almost losing my insurance coverage, learning about “the system”, and also happening upon the BCCT program which I would not be able to use for myself was a very, very specific training that Heavenly Father gave me to help a friend who has just recently been diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  She was not too far along in the process and was able to take a side-step to get enrolled in the program BEFORE receiving any treatments.  This should allow her to receive assistance with covering any treatments that aren’t fully covered by her family insurance, which will in turn help her to have less stress and more courage and less hesitation on choosing her treatment path.  Which, in her case, could save her life…um, yeah, very humbling!  My horrible, horrific, 5 day experience could have saved someone’s life, but may definitely at least save a lot of heartache in a life that is being turned upside down right now.

I want to always try to be a “good” person.  To live my life in a way that would make my parents proud of my actions.

We all have many faults and shortcomings, but as we strive to “try” and do good for others and in our own lives, we will help ourselves be ready when the Lord calls for an ordinary, imperfect being to carry-out his work among his children.

My mom and dad used to tell me that they never really had to “punish” me when I was a child.  I would usually be crying and come tell them what I did wrong.  I was able to be pretty much self-governing with a few pointers from them.  It wasn’t that easy and simple as I became a young adult and a wife and mother, but some of it was still there.  I felt a sincere desire to have my parents be proud of me.  Even now as an adult, I want to have my husband be proud of me, have my children be proud of me, and most of all My Heavenly Father be proud of me.  I want to live my life in a way that I will be READY to DO whatever He has planned for me… I don’t want to have looked at someone and thought, I don’t really like them or how they have treated me, and in turn missed an opportunity to have really touched their life in a way that only I could have with their Heavenly Father’s guidance.  Is it going to be easy?  Heck, no!  Is it going to happen all at once?  Nope.  Is it a goal worthy of “trying” daily to fulfill?  You betcha!

I also realized that our own children generally strive for the same thing.  And again, none of us are perfect, we all have many faults and shortcomings, but the important thing is to keep trying to do and be better, to recognize that in others.  They are trying.  It’s not going to be in the same way we would do it, sometimes it’s through “doing it the hard way” that they will learn.  Yeah, that was totally a lesson I needed to learn myself a two of my own children have become adults.  To love them unconditionally, and know that they are trying in their own ways to be a good man/woman.  

(Post about my appointment with Dr. Lynch to follow later this evening)